What Nobody Tells You About Perimenopause and Menopause: 5 Tips for Surviving (and Laughing Through) It

Let's talk about perimenopause and menopause.

Because apparently, at some point in our lives, our bodies decide to change all the rules without giving us the updated instruction manual!

One day, you're going about your business, feeling relatively normal.

The next, you're standing in front of the refrigerator wondering why you opened it, sweating for absolutely no reason, and contemplating whether the person chewing too loudly next to you really needs to continue breathing.

Welcome to midlife, ladies!

The good news? You're not alone.

The bad news? There is no one-size-fits-all instruction manual for this particular adventure.

And that's exactly why we need to talk about it. Openly. And honestly.

Recently, I sat down with Janie, who is navigating perimenopause, and Jolyn, who shared her challenging journey through menopause. Their experiences were different, but their advice had some powerful similarities.

What Nobody Tells You About Perimenopause and Menopause

Recently, I sat down with two women for new episodes of our Grief & Joy Presents: What Nobody Tells You series to talk about their experiences navigating perimenopause and menopause.

And while their experiences were different, there were some common themes that I think every woman approaching or experiencing this phase of life needs to hear.

Because here's the thing.

For something that approximately half the population will experience if they live long enough, we sure haven't done a great job talking about it.

For generations, women have quietly dealt with the symptoms, frustrations, and changes that come with menopause.

Maybe we mentioned a hot flash or two. Maybe we joked about our changing bodies.

But did we really talk about what was happening? How it affected our physical and emotional well-being? How to get help?

Not nearly enough.

So, in the spirit of Grief & Joy, we're going to talk about it. ALL of it.

Here are five important takeaways from our conversations.

1. Find Your Community: You Don't Have to Navigate Menopause Alone

If there was one message that came through loud and clear, it was this:

Find your people.

Find women who are willing to talk openly about what they're experiencing.

Women who will tell you about their hot flashes, sleepless nights, brain fog, dried up hoo-ha, changing bodies, and emotional roller coasters.

Women who won't judge you when you admit that you cried because you couldn't find your car keys.

Or because someone ate the leftovers you were planning to have for lunch.

Or because...well, you really don't know why.

Sometimes just hearing another woman say, "Oh my gosh, ME TOO!" can make an enormous difference.

And the more we share our experiences, the more we normalize conversations that should have been happening all along.

My takeaway: You don't need to suffer in silence. Find women who are willing to share the good, the bad, and the downright ridiculous parts of this transition.

And if you don't have that community yet, start the conversation. You might be surprised how many women are waiting for someone else to bring it up. You can start the conversation by sharing this blog with them!

2. Educate Yourself: Understanding Your Body Is Empowering

One of the most important things our guests emphasized was the need to educate yourself.

Read books. Research reputable articles. Listen to experts. Ask questions.

Because perimenopause and menopause aren't the same experience for every woman.

Some women experience significant hot flashes and night sweats.

Others struggle with sleep, anxiety, brain fog, joint discomfort, or changes in their menstrual cycles.

Some experience relatively few symptoms.

And some feel like their bodies have been hijacked by a complete stranger.

The more you understand what's happening in your body, the better prepared you are to recognize changes, ask informed questions, and communicate with your healthcare provider.

What's the Difference Between Perimenopause and Menopause?

Perimenopause is the transitional phase leading up to menopause. During this time, hormone levels fluctuate, menstrual cycles may become irregular, and symptoms can begin years before your final period.

Menopause is reached when you've gone 12 consecutive months without a menstrual period, assuming there isn't another medical or treatment-related explanation.

Postmenopause refers to the years after that point.

And here's something worth remembering: You don't have to wait until you've officially reached menopause to start asking questions or seeking help.

Perimenopause symptoms can begin long before your periods stop.

My takeaway: Knowledge is power. And understanding your own body gives you a much better starting point for managing this transition. I wish I would have understood more about perimenopause and menopause in my late 30s. When I started having perimenopause symptoms, I was also battling significant grief after losing my husband. 

3. Advocate for Yourself: Find a Healthcare Provider Who Listens

This might be one of the most important pieces of advice from our conversations.

You are your own best advocate.

If you're experiencing symptoms that are affecting your quality of life, don't assume you simply have to live with them.

And don't assume that every healthcare provider has the same level of training or experience when it comes to menopause.

Seek out someone who understands perimenopause and menopause and is willing to have meaningful conversations about your symptoms and treatment options.

Ask questions.

Discuss the benefits and risks of available treatments.

And if you're not getting the answers or support you need, consider seeking a second opinion.

There are multiple approaches to managing menopause symptoms, including lifestyle adjustments, nonhormonal treatments, and menopausal hormone therapy for appropriate candidates.

What works for one woman may not be the right choice for another.

That's why individualized care matters. Read Janie's recommended book, The New Menopause, or you can learn more at The Menopause Society.

My takeaway: You deserve to feel heard, informed, supported, and validated. Don't stop asking questions simply because the first answer you received wasn't helpful.

4. Don't Let Anyone Dismiss What You're Experiencing

Have you ever been told:

"It's just part of getting older."

"You're probably just stressed."

"Maybe you're depressed."

Or my personal favorite:

"Have you tried getting more sleep?"

Oh, gee. Why didn't I think of that?!

Here's the thing.

The symptoms women experience during perimenopause and menopause are real.

And they can affect our physical health, emotional well-being, relationships, work, and everyday lives.

That doesn't mean every symptom is necessarily caused by menopause.

And it certainly doesn't mean depression or anxiety should be dismissed. Both are real health conditions that deserve appropriate evaluation and treatment.

But it DOES mean that women deserve a thorough conversation about what they're experiencing rather than having their concerns automatically attributed to stress, aging, or a mental health diagnosis without further assessment.

You know when something doesn't feel right in your body.

Trust yourself enough to ask questions.

My takeaway: Your symptoms deserve attention, not dismissal. Find healthcare professionals who are willing to listen and help you understand what's happening.

5. Laugh! Because Sometimes the Alternative Is Crying

And finally, my favorite piece of advice.

Find the humor in it.

Because sometimes, if we don't laugh, we really will cry.

And let's face it, perimenopause and menopause provide PLENTY of material.

The hot flashes.

The brain fog.

The sudden inability to tolerate things that never bothered us before.

The changing bodies.

The moments when we forget words we use everyday.

And, of course, the days when our patience is approximately the length of a toothpick.

Is any of this particularly fun?

Not always.

But sometimes being able to laugh about what we're experiencing makes it feel a little less overwhelming.

That's really what Grief & Joy is all about.

Life is full of transitions we didn't necessarily ask for.

Some are exciting. Some are difficult. Some are downright ridiculous.

And sometimes they're all three at once.

We can't always control what's happening around us or within us.

But we can find ways to support one another and bring a little laughter into the experience.

Because humor doesn't mean we're minimizing what we're going through.

Sometimes it simply means we're finding a way THROUGH it.

And speaking of laughter...

If you or someone you know is navigating this particular phase of life, our Official Menopause Card was created with exactly these moments in mind.

Because sometimes you need a little official recognition that the hot flashes, brain fog, and occasional desire to tell everyone exactly what you're thinking are REAL.

And sometimes the best gift you can give another woman is a good laugh and the reminder that she's not alone.

Explore the Grief & Joy Menopause Collection.

Watch: What Nobody Tells You About Perimenopause and Menopause

Want to hear more?

These five takeaways came from conversations with women who were willing to openly share their experiences navigating these transitions.

And while we found some common ground, their individual experiences were different.

Which is exactly why these conversations matter.

What Nobody Tells You About Perimenopause

In this episode of What Nobody Tells You About Perimenopause, my guest, Janie, shares her perimenopause journey that started two years ago. She has been challenged with memory issues, hot flashes, rage, aches/pains, and more. 

Janie shares with viewers how they need to be advocates for themselves, build a community of women they can talk with, and be creative about using HRT to alleviate and manage some of the perimenopause symptoms.

What Nobody Tells You About Menopause

In this episode of What Nobody Tells You About Menopause, my guest, Jolyn, shares her very frustrating medical journey with doctors who treated her symptoms in inappropriate ways, the complete loss of sex drive and the impact on her marriage, and how she has found hope and started to live again! 

Her journey is inspiring to hear and should give all of us hope!

I hope you'll watch both conversations, share them with other women, and, most importantly, keep talking about this phase of life.

Because the more we share, the less alone we feel.

Frequently Asked Questions About Perimenopause and Menopause

What are the first signs of perimenopause?

Early signs may include changes in menstrual cycles, sleep disturbances, hot flashes, night sweats, mood changes, and brain fog. Symptoms vary considerably, and other medical conditions can cause similar changes.

How long does perimenopause last?

Perimenopause often lasts several years, but the duration varies from woman to woman. Some experience a relatively short transition, while others experience symptoms over a longer period.

What helps women cope with menopause symptoms?

Strategies may include learning about menopause, connecting with supportive women, prioritizing sleep and physical activity, and working with a qualified healthcare professional to evaluate symptoms and treatment options.

Should I see a menopause specialist?

If symptoms are interfering with your daily life, or you feel your concerns aren't being adequately addressed, a healthcare professional with expertise in menopause can help you explore appropriate options.

Is it normal to feel emotional during perimenopause?

Mood changes can occur during perimenopause, partly because of hormonal fluctuations and disrupted sleep. However, persistent sadness, anxiety, or other significant emotional symptoms deserve medical attention rather than being automatically attributed to menopause.

Can perimenopause symptoms be mistaken for depression or anxiety?

Yes. Perimenopause can involve mood changes, anxiety, sleep disturbances, and difficulty concentrating. Some symptoms may overlap with depression or anxiety disorders. However, depression and anxiety can also occur independently and deserve proper evaluation. If you're experiencing these symptoms, talk with a healthcare professional who can assess your overall health and help determine appropriate treatment options.

The Bottom Line: We're All Figuring This Out Together

If there's one thing I hope women take away from these conversations, it's that you don't have to navigate perimenopause or menopause alone. Join the Grief & Joy Club!

Find your community.

Educate yourself.

Advocate for your health.

Don't let anyone dismiss what you're experiencing.

And for heaven's sake, find something to laugh about!

We're all navigating this thing called life, and none of us has it completely figured out.

But I believe it's a whole lot easier when we support one another, share our stories, and find a little humor along the way.

Now I'd love to hear from you.

What's one thing nobody told YOU about perimenopause or menopause?

Or what's the best advice you've received from another woman?

Share your experience in the comments or join the conversation with Grief & Joy on social media (links in the footer).

Because your story might be exactly what another woman needs to hear today.

And if you know a woman who could use a laugh while navigating this phase of life, explore our Grief & Joy Menopause Collection.

Here's to surviving, thriving, and laughing our way through midlife.

Even if we can't remember our dog's name!

Navigating midlife? You're in good company.

Join the Grief & Joy Club for honest conversations about menopause, empty nesting, grief, retirement, and all the other life transitions nobody adequately prepared us for.

A little support. A little humor. And absolutely no toxic positivity.